I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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