you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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