This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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