My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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