So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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