I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
