Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
bring money and cleavage
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
