The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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