the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
