The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
