We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
