On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
