you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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