Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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