Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
