he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
two words...techno handjob
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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