GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
