there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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