Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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