i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
