I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
