There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
