In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
