oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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