Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
