Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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