i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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