Christians are straight up FREAKS
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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