U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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