If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
