you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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