Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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