I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
