and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
