I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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