Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
