Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
