i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
