Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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