It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
