My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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