this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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