peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
