Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
