stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
