I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
