Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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