I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
