Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
