I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
