You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
