Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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