i think my tv is drunk
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
