...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
