Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
