I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
