I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he puts the penis in happiness.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
