Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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