i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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