I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
