put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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