i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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