so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
