Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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