Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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