6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
