Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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