I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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