why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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