I want to have your abortion
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
