Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
