So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
