Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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