This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
