just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
