If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
