Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
